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Bill Brown

A complicated man.

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After more than four years—incredibly—I got caught speeding. I got a 2011 MINI Cooper S Convertible back in October and it is way sportier than my previous one, Buzz. Let's just say that I frequently drove it rather rapidly.

It was just a matter of time before I got another ticket—going over 100 MPH was not terribly uncommon and I once got it up to 131 MPH. Unfortunately, I was clocked going 92 MPH in a 65 MPH area. The patrolman was generous and wrote it up for 85 MPH so that it wasn't criminal speeding.

Because it had been so long since my last one, I was able to take a defensive driving course to expunge it from my record. I had heard from other perps colleagues that you could take them online now, so I checked out the available schools in my county. I was prepared to go to my usual one, the Arizona Chapter of the National Safety Council, when I spied The Improv Traffic School.

Genius marketing! If I had to choose among approved schools teaching the same curriculum, one that promised to be funny would stand out from the pack. Intrigued, I signed up.

There were a couple of chuckles but they weren't any better than what a decent driving instructor would provide. The quizzes were exceedingly easy and it took four hours, which is required by the courts. (I thought about trying to defeat the mechanism that prevents you from completing early, but decided that I'd done enough already and toed the line.)

So now I'm on the straight and narrow for the next two years, driving like a "normal." I just might make it, thanks to cruise control.