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Bill Brown

A complicated man.

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Here are my observations on what is sure to be a real fun time (à la Matthew Baldwin):

7:13 PM: Shots of people crying at the sight of Obama. None of me rolling my eyes.

7:14 PM: Phew, he accepted the nomination. Now I can turn off the TV.

7:16 PM: Joe Biden: "Right back atcha, Barry!"

7:16 PM: Finest statesman of our time. Love of my life. Is he referring to himself in the third person already?!

7:19 PM: All of our woes are the result of George W. Bush. If only that were true, we could have impeached him. The problems go far deeper than that and Obama, McCain, and their ilk are symptoms of the underlying cause.

7:20 PM: "Enough. This moment, this election is our chance to keep in the 21st century to keep the American promise alive." Oh brother.

7:21 PM: If I didn't know better, I'd say that this was an assemblage of offramp beggars what with all of the "Change" signs.

7:22 PM: McCain has voted with Bush 90% of the time. What about a Senator who has voted liberal 100% of the time?

7:23 PM: Nation of whiners. Wasn't that Cheney?!

7:24 PM: He doesn't know any whiners? That's a bald-faced lie.

7:25 PM: No tax relief to the poor. Uhh, the poor don't pay taxes…

7:25 PM: "It's not that John McCain doesn't care; it's that he doesn't get it."

7:26 PM: If only people were really "on their own" in America. *sigh*

7:27 PM: Uh oh, he's going to trot out "commander in chief of the economy." I just know it!


7:30 PM: Sweet, I think he's done.

7:31 PM: Damn. This is like The Dark Knight: I keep thinking it's over, but then it starts right back up.

7:31 PM: "I am my brother's keeper. I am my sister's keeper." Oh boy. This is the face of evil right there.

7:32 PM: He's going to spell out exactly what change means. Yeah right!

7:32 PM: 10 years to ending dependence on foreign oil from the Middle East. Wait, is he going to start offshore drilling and tap ANWR? Sweet!

7:35 PM: $100 billion "investment" in renewable energy. Does he have that kind of money?

7:36 PM: He just described a program of indentured servitude. That's just grand.

7:38 PM: Great, now I'm crying. I don't think it's for the same reason though.

7:38 PM: Stick it to business and the rich, who are going to bend over, take it, and shit out jobs. Sounds like a feasible plan.

7:40 PM: Now we get to hear about his program for the literal "nanny state."

7:41 PM: He took a stand against Iraq and for Afghanistan … from the rarified air of the Illinois State Senate.

7:44 PM: I wouldn't compare myself too closely to Roosevelt (Assistant Secretary of the Navy) or Kennedy (war hero) if I had no military experience whatsoever. They were Democrats and so are you but that doesn't confer anything.

7:46 PM: "We can disagree without challenging each other's character and patriotism." What's he been doing for most of his campaign in general and this speech in particular?

7:49 PM: Gay partners aren't allowed to visit each other in the hospital?

7:50 PM: Wow, that was approximately 3 minutes from imploring a change in political tactics to character assassination.

7:51 PM: "This election isn't about me, it's about you" electing me.

7:53 PM: One good thing about Obama's speech is that it isn't littered with homey anecdotes referring to specific people in the audience. That's change I can believe in.

7:54 PM: Oh yeah, there's the MLK reference. If he says, "I am his dream" I'm a-gonna puke.

7:54 PM: He's excellent at reading from teleprompters, I'll give him that.

7:56 PM: Yay for Obama. The sermon's over.

Color me unimpressed. I'm no McCain fan, but Obama basically promised everything to everyone. I felt like he was going to channel Oprah any minute, "You get a car! You get a car! You get a car!"