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Bill Brown

A complicated man.

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It’s been a pretty rough couple of days. On Monday, my wife and I suffered a miscarriage. My life has pretty much been on hold since Monday at 2:15 p.m. when I got her call.

Conceptually, I know that our fetus (which we affectionately called Sunshine) was a potentiality. Emotionally, it’s hard to reconcile that view with the fact that that particular potentiality was going to be an actuality (or should have been, damnit!). One day you’re pregnant and the next day you’re not.

I’ve heard people talk about miscarriages and I always felt for them, but I was always operating on the potentiality premise. Now I truly understand the significance. The important thing is I wanted it to be born. It has left a void in my life. It’s like if someone stole my car (only much, much more)—I was planning on going to work today and now I can’t. Well, I was planning on having a son or daughter in March and now I can’t.

And it hurts.